#9A – Insane for the Light

A Spirituality for Our Wisdom Years by Ronald Rolheiser, OMI 1st of SECTION NINE ~ PART THREE A PARADIGM FOR HUMAN AND SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION

First comes falling in love, which is the easy part. Then comes learning to love, which is the hard work. And then there is living in love, which is the best part.

For John of the Cross, growing toward initial maturity and then final maturity in our aging is an organic process, an unfolding of life wherein certain circumstances will naturally push us to a new phase. And, in his view, there are six stages we pass through on the journey from immaturity to maturity, from selfishness to altruism, from fantasy to reality, and from this life to heaven.

We will briefly describe each stage and then, in more depth, tease out how all this happens in real life.

FIRST STAGE: UNHEALTHY INDIFFERENCE (PRE‑CONVERSION)

This stage has four characteristics: unhealthy indifference, lack of focus, disordered erotic energy, and the pleasure principle as our primary motivation. We feel our erotic energies deeply but lack clear direction. Love can be promiscuous. We “hang loose” and love what attracts us in the moment, especially what brings pleasure.

Choices and commitments are made on the basis of what gratifies us. There is no true commitment, virtue, or giving beyond ourselves. Narcissism, egoism, and idiosyncratic preference drive our actions. Even when we think we are praying, loving, or serving others, we are often under an illusion. For John of the Cross, this is immaturity.

SECOND STAGE: FALLING IN LOVE (CONVERSION)

Morris West says, “All conversion begins with the act of falling in love.” Immaturity is overcome by falling in love — with a person, God, or an ideal. Everything changes: focus sharpens, indifference disappears, and motivation shifts.

We move beyond ourselves and beyond crude pleasure. We can be self‑sacrificing, at least as it serves our beloved. This is the first movement toward maturity.

THIRD STAGE: THE HONEYMOON (FIRST FERVOR)

After falling in love, we enter first fervor — the honeymoon. Life becomes colored by intense feelings, passion, uniqueness, endless energy, public display, and ease of communication with the beloved.

We feel a passion that relativizes all other loves. We believe nothing is too much for our beloved. We draw powerful energy from love and constantly want to talk to the beloved or about the beloved.

FOURTH STAGE: THE DEATH OF THE HONEYMOON (WANING OF FERVOR)

All honeymoons end. When fervor dies, disillusionment follows: loss of passion, boredom, and reluctance to talk to or about the beloved. Confusion arises. We feel disappointment and try to recapture the earlier fervor.

Sometimes the honeymoon dies because of infidelity or lack of interest — a regression to immaturity. But even in faithful relationships, the honeymoon ends organically. Not because God is cruel, but because we were more in love with the experience of love than with the person.

Only after the honeymoon ends do we discover whether we truly love the person or only the feelings.

FIFTH STAGE: MATURITY (PROFICIENCY)

This stage has three characteristics: decision, dryness, and ease.

We enter maturity when we make decisions for their own sake, not out of self‑interest. Dryness follows — little or no emotional consolation. But if we persevere, ease emerges: a deep sense of being at home with the beloved.

This is proficiency — a major development. We become essentially unselfish, giving our lives away. We can remain here for life unless we make one final leap.

SIXTH STAGE: ULTIMATE HUMAN MATURITY (FINAL PURIFICATION)

Few enter this stage by choice. It is the highest maturity — full sainthood. It does not unfold naturally; it requires a radical decision to live by faith alone, against head, heart, friends, common sense, and conventional wisdom.

Ease dissolves into fierce dryness — interior pain, disconsolation, Good Friday. Yet paradoxically, the inner world grows more secure.

One may also enter this stage by compulsion — for example, a terminal diagnosis. The symptoms John describes naturally follow.

Dryness may last long or short. One may die during it. But if one perseveres, dryness gives way to deep peace, the return of passion, overwhelming goodness, beauty, empathic connection with reality, and sometimes ecstasy. This is Easter Sunday.

For John of the Cross, these six stages form a paradigm for how a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies to come to new life.

Folder #9B will explore how these dynamics unfold through Love, Prayer, and Service.